Saw: The Cancer of John
by SawManiac211
Summary: Jigsaw listens to his favourite song on his iPod, and thinks about his cancer. Pease R&R. Gerard Way and MCR, you guys are awesome. Keep the tissues nearby...


**I hope this story touches people's hearts and describes how cancer affects people's lives. I don't know what it's like, but I hope I got it right. Listen to the song while reading because it is fantastic.**

John Kramer-usually known as Jigsaw-was bored. It was 3:00 in the morning and he couldn't get to sleep. The cancer was becoming more and more painful as time progressed; sometimes it felt like his head was being ripped apart in the reverse bear trap he had used on Amanda.

Amanda herself was fast asleep, lying on the chairs next to the makeshift hospital bed he was lying on. The only sound was her quiet snores and the constant beep of the heart monitor.

John sighed and turned over, fumbling over the items on the metal tray next to him for hi iPod. It wasn't particularly unusual-everyone seemed to have one nowadays, even him-apart from the fact that he'd made it himself on a sleepless night like this. He'd illegally downloaded the tracks-he was amazed at how easy it had been; if they didn't like people doing it, why didn't they make it harder to find a website that did see songs for free?

He scrolled through the songs, dismissing each one. Finally, he came to the track he had listened to most of all.

He wasn't particularly a big fan of My Chemical Romance-whether they _were_ an emo band or a Goth band, their songs didn't seem very thankful for life-but this one had lyrics he could really relate to.

Cancer.

He pressed play. The familiar tune flowed through the earphones and he lay back, listening.

_Turn away, if you could get me a drink_

_Of water 'cos my lips are chapped and faded_

Gerard Way didn't seem very satisfied with life if he could sing these kinds of songs. Maybe he should ask Amanda to play a game with him after he'd…John didn't want think about it.

_Call my Aunt Marie; help her gather all my things_

_And bury me in all my favourite colours_

_My sisters and my brothers still_

There was no chance of him getting a good funeral, he thought sadly. But maybe I can get Amanda to dress me up in black and red, take me to the hospital I got diagnosed in and burn the place down. He grinned. Yes, that was _exactly_ what he would do. And maybe put Gerard Way in too, so he could play a game in the burning building…

_I will not kiss you_

'_Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you_

John looked at Amanda and sighed. As much as he would like to, he couldn't tell Amanda how much she meant to him. It would make it even harder to say goodbye when he…oh dammit, he might as well face up to it…died.

_Now turn away, 'cos I'm awful just to see_

'_Cos all my hairs abandoned all my body_

If there was one thing John missed-apart from being completely fit and active-it was his hair. He'd complained about it most of the time, on those days where it just wouldn't stay tidy and looked like a bird's nest, but now he missed it a lot. Without it, he felt…well, _naked_, really.

_Oh my agony,_

_Know that I will never marry_

He _had_ married. Once. On his worst days he thought that the cancer was some kind of punishment for divorcing Jill so soon after they'd lost the baby. He still wondered whether he should have been so hasty to break all ties with Jill. He would've liked her to be there when he died. But she couldn't be. Not now.

_Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo_

_But counting down the days to go, it just ain't living_

He'd given up on the chemo ages ago; it just wasn't helping; it was giving him a hope that had already gone. Spending all his time in this room, waiting to die-apart from when Amanda gave him up-to-date reports on the games going on-wasn't helping either. It made life in general look hopeless; sad.

_And I want you to know, that if you say (if you say)_

_Goodbye today (goodbye today)_

_I'd ask you to be true ('cos I'd ask you to be true)_

John turned back to Amanda. If she chose to leave him to it; if the pain got too much for her and she left; he wouldn't blame her. He'd only ask her to remember him by having a good life with no regrets.

'_Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you._

Yes, even though when the time came it would be hard, but at least Amanda would be with him to see him off into the next life. Tomorrow, he'd have to write all that he wanted-red and black, the hospital, Gerard Way's second chance for life-to be written down. But that would have to wait until after Lynn had been kidnapped and done the surgery on him. He smiled and closed his eyes. _Sleep, Amanda._ He thought. _And be happy for the rest of your life._

'_Cos the hardest part of this is leavening you._

The song finished.

Jigsaw slept.

_Beep, beep, beep_ went the heart monitor in the darkness.

**If you were touched by the story, please review. Hope you liked it!**

**For all those with cancer.**

**SawManiac211**


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